So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
