So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
