It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
