You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
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dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
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Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?