so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
