Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
21 People Reveal The Most Embarrassing Secrets They Know About Someone
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.