I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
