Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!