I like my sex mixed with concussions.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Sober January is a disaster.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
