my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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