there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
