I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
