He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
