At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
