I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
