So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
