I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
All I want is dick and wine.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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