So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
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