Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
My vagina just clenched in fear
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
