If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
