escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
