I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Text me some of your sweat
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