When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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