he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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