I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
