I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you inspire me to be a worse person
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
