So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Randomize
