the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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