what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
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