I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
