I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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