Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
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