I need help removing her.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
