somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses youâ€
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
