im six kinds of drunk right now
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
