Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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