just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised