i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
