I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together