I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt