u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
And then my night got REAL pukey
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae