This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
