..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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