either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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