Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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