no, he came in my armpit
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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