i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
