My liver just broke up with me...
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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