Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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