u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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