my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
