Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Randomize
