Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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