Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
