Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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