Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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