There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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