it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
