ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
