I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
