You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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