I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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