He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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