Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
