I seem to have left my pride at pride
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
should my penis look like a turkey
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
