We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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