my phone needs a breathalizer
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
