My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
