Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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