I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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