is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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