Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize