i think my tv is drunk
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
