I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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