you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
