What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
