I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
