he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
