I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
