Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
