with your own penis?
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Naked Twister starts at high noon
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
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