that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Randomize
